Once I stood up, I felt like I've hurt the most gentle, beautiful, smart, considerate, loving, amazing, awesome, careful, wise, interesting, motivated person I've ever met. I admire her, I told myself as I rushed towards the bus station in hope to reach the last bus.
No, I've missed it.
Instead of focusing on the bus and getting home, I've sent my brother a message to just summon my mother. When I put my phone aside, I started choking. Choking with tears that didn't come out, choking with love that I failed to express correctly, choking with the stupidity I've showed, choking with the smoke I've inhaled today from the fire pit, choking with my fakeness to follow the ride home.
My mom arrived after a 20 minutes wait and I entered the vehicle silently, turning on my emotions releasing song. I was dizzy, I was restless, I was depressed, I was disappointed of myself and I just wanted to disappear. My mom asked me how it was, and I said it was okay. A few minutes later she said I was quiet and I say; "I'm just tired. Just.. tired". I couldn't hold up the tears, one or two came out. I didn't want my mom to see so I wiped it away immediately. Once we got off, I rushed up the staircase and started crying, crying and saying goodnight as I closed the door to my room.
That's where I started crying in voice, whining, loving, releasing, completing - writing;
Michal, is not one of, but is the most amazing person I've ever seen in my life. I see everything positive in her, even when I'm just sad. Nothing she can do will ever change this. I feel I'm an over emotional person, I feel I'm MADLY in love INSANELY with someone I met less than a year ago and plan seeing my grandchildren with. I feel I've been revived by a 20,000 volt defibrillator unit every CHANCE I get to see here. I'm always HAPPY when I see her. I can't even describe how beautiful this girl is. How special she, how AMAZING she is. I truly do LOVE her.
I want her to live a long life. I want her to be happy, forever. I want her to be satisfied, I want her to realize what the society rules are hiding from her; how gorgeous she is, how perfect she is. I'm proud to say I'm her partner in life. I admire her, like I've never admired anyone before. SHE SAVED ME. She saved my life, she gave me a purpose, she led me into the light and she showed me the correct way. I'm happy today, thanks to her.
I'm so afraid of losing her. I'm so afraid of making such a wrong move, I'm afraid I did a terrible thing dragging her and trying to get something out of her thoughts tonight. I want to punish myself so badly, I want to. But she'll be sad, she'll be disappointed and she'll worry. I'll never let that happen, never again.
I want Michal B to be the happiest person on earth and I'll do everything out of anything to make it happen. Along the way, I'll be happy as well, because she wants it too - we'll be happy together.
I cannot express how much I love her.
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