I am being reminded in this sentence and the way she said it every time I'm doing something that hurts her now. It really sucks, I don't want her to feel bad, especially not because of me.
She told me recently that she feels our relationship is stuck, that it seems I've lost interest in her. But the truth is that I'm dying everyday I don't see her - am I not saying that enough? We meet a lot less than we used to, the studies just fucking ate her alive. It really sucks, to see her normally once a week. That's freaking unbelievable, especially when I've got nothing to do. I really hate the education system. But she's busy, nothing she nor I can do about it. But honestly, why to ever think I lost interest, I'm deeply in love! FOREVER!
I'm trying to make our once in a while meetings the best for her. I hope she's having the fun of her life with me, I don't get to hear her saying that a lot or many compliments because we simply don't meet that often - so I don't know what she feels like sometimes. It leaves me completely clueless sometimes; she is bothered by many questions that I ask her but - if she won't tell alone sometimes, I need to ask!!! Everytime I'm asking her a lot but not get asked back or get much of attention to my questions I feel like I'm bothering her.
My heart took a beating when she said she has things to say, but no one to say them to. I was shocked, how I try to assure her I'm trying to hear her for ever and ever and I'm interested in every little detail. I was shocked and immediately thought "oh my god, what am I doing wrong?". I can't judge her if she doesn't want to tell me things (and she really doesn't tell me everything, which made me feel quite wrong and doubt myself), but isn't this is what it's all about? Sharing and telling each other how good or bad our day was or what ever goes through our minds. I find everything interesting in her so I do get offended when she doesn't share with me something.
She didn't tell me a story from the past in a long time, but that 99% happens in person which of course now barely happens. Argh.
The thing is, I'm not mad at her for being busy. Shit, there'll be a time in our relationship where she'll be even more busy than now and the wheel will turn around and I'll be busy too. Until we get settled together, that's kind of how life is. It sucks sometimes but honestly?
Being with her (meeting talking sleeping, everything) makes me forget about all of that because I love her the most.
I really do.
