RUN GUY, RUN

God, my chest hurts.

I tossed my schoolbag across the room and hopped on the computer. I tried to check if there's anything to play here and there. She entered that lesson without phone allowed. I thought, "Well, she will probably be hungry". I texted her, asking if she's hungry - while browsing through some recipes on the internet.

Everything is about freaking cakes, for god's sake.

"Oh this looks good", I thought as I scrolled down the webpage, looking for something interesting to make. Eventually I decided on doing some Malawah with some fried onion rings and hotdogs - that was more like an experiment to surprise her. She texted she's not hungry.

Alright well, let's try a solo-salad then.

She seemed very exhausted - not the regular after-school exhausted, but the something-serious-is-going-on exhausted. My six months training taught me - "Don't ask too much, let it come by itself if she wants, be there for her regardless". She cried on my bed - I asked her if it was me, if there was something I could do for her and if she wanted me to exit the room and leave her alone.

All of the answers were a slight shake of her head while I could hear her sobbing.

I stroked her back and palm and waited. I assumed she'd wanted me to wait and not bother her. I assumed she'd share with me whatever's going on whenever she feels like it and it'll be better if I won't push her. She stopped after what seems like forever of worrying and endless thoughts and wiped her tears away.

"What do you want to do?", she asked.

Well, I moved along and talked to her in general. After we watched stuff and some episodes of the big bang I walked her home. I asked her what's going on and I was eased when she told me what's going on. I feel like it's important that she tells me stuff, because it'll improve the chances of me calming her down eventually. Regardless, it's completely her choice of telling me or not.

We eventually decided to go out on a run. Sport's good, and a lot better when it's with her.

"You don't complain a lot, you're getting better!", she said. Well yes, I am actually better at dealing with pain and not bitching! I'm proud of myself, actually.

I told her that one of the most important things for me is getting her home safe - regardless of time, effort and sacrifice necessary. I took her home once while we accidentally fell asleep until 11 PM - this was another 'no way I am giving up on this' moment. She said that she really appreciates it and that she doesn't tell that to me enough.

Well, I wish she'd tell me how much she appreciates everything about me all the time more.

But, I feel it. I'm the closest person to her, as she's the closest person to me. I once asked by her "are you that blind?!" when I panicked that she didn't love me. I understand her, sometimes I am blind and I'm a dick about it. I'm insanely in love with her and seeing her happy is all I need.

I need a shower.